My affinity with the City of (Kill)Joy

Its been a long standing association. Not that I've enjoyed any of it but it has been there for so long that I can't ignore it. The problem starts with the fact that mommy dear has been born and brought up in and around the city (she's not a Bengali!). There were days I was dragged along to my grandparents' place every summer vacation. So while other kids looked forward to enjoying their vacations, I actually dreaded them. I absolutely hated the dirt, pollution, weather, crowd, local trains, and what not(I still do!!). The days mommy dear decided to take me along as she went for shopping in Bada Bazaar (or Sada Bazaar as I used to call it, for it really is one of the dirtiest places known to mankind, or me at least) are some of the worst days of my life. True, I liked places like Nehru Children's Museum, Science City, Alipore Zoo, Birla Planetarium and ride in a Metro (it was one of the few places having escalators back then!). But they could hardly make up for the discomfort I had to undergo to reach them. Imagine a 5 year old being crushed on all sides while holding his mommy's hands and trying to get on a local train. Man, that was agony at its worst.

Then I grew up and mommy dear began to realize it was no use trying to convince me to go to the City of Joy anymore. I got good support on this front from daddy dear as well who shares my detest for his "sasural". He has been to the place only twice in 25 years. Both times he has fallen prey to extreme humidity and pollution resulting in his usually subdued asthma to resurface and ruin the entire trip. So, mommy dear seemed to be the only one protesting as I refused to go along with her. So it had been a nice and quiet 5 years or so without a visit to Kolkata.

And then, I got this goddamned job in this goddamned company which has its corporate headquarters in this goddamned city. So began my trips again. And at alarmingly regular intervals!! As much as I wanted to stay a million miles away, I had to come back to the place again and again. I've visited the city more in the last one year than I had over the past 22 years. Thank goodness the company guest house is in Salt Lake which seems  like a nicer and quieter and less polluted place than the rest of Kolkata which is more or less a complete mess. Here's more...until yesterday I was under the impression that my office was about 15 km. from the guest house because it always took almost an hour  to reach there no matter what the mode of transport was. But that was before today when I glanced on the meter in the taxi as  I was paying the driver after reaching office. And boy was I amazed...it read 7.0 km...I thought something must be wrong so I asked the driver. He conformed that the reading was indeed true. I guess you can imagine my shock as I'm used to reaching office in Delhi from home in Noida in about 35 min. during peak hours and its a good 25km. away. Need I say more??

The thing that keeps me going is the fact that I have a few friends who always spare some time to hang out and I don't really get bored after office and on weekends. I also have a lot of relatives here (remember its my "nanihal") so I can go to their place whenever I want have some good old daal chawal and alu gobhi...

Will continue narrating my other experiences in the city in the coming days. And by the way, I'm scheduled to be back to Noida this Sunday but I might just stay back for Haman's wedding on the 2nd of December. Hope to see you all then...

The mother of all K*PD's

Well, here I am in Kolkata spending a major part of Sweet November, all set to miss mommy dear's birthday and a few weddings, feeling really low, eating some trashy and lot of junk food, the worst part being, I don't even know what exactly I am here for !!! At least I have family and a few friends here so not feeling as bored as I initially thought I would.

So, last evening I called up good friend Nihit and we decided to meet up, the meeting place being Salt Lake City Center as its close to both our offices. We discussed about how our movie collections had soared phenomenally in the past few months, how Nihit felt lonely in Kolkata as most of boys had moved to Delhi, about the lack of quality chics in our offices. There also was this girl who looked like Manchester from behind, but a side profile confirmed she wasn't really her. Although Nihit told me that recent updates on her suggest that she's become a "heroine". Then feeling really hungry, we went to this Food Court, had some good Chinese food, chatted for a while and then returned to the parking lot after taking a paan. Just as we reached there, we saw 2 bikes with familiar looking reg. numbers standing side by side, one being silver Unicorn and other a blue Fiero. The Unicorn had Delhi no. and the Fiero had Kolkata no. Our first thought was that the Unicorn belonged to a junior, either JD or Viggy. But then, Viggy rode a blue one and what would either of them bring their bike in Kolkata for anyway. So we set our minds on the Fiero. Nihit suggested it might be Addy's bike. Then I remembered Addy actually had brought his bike from home during the final year, and it really was a blue Fiero with a Kolkata no. Nihit happened to have Addy's no. in his phonebook so he dialed it to just confirm. But Addy's cell was switched off.

In the mean time, a group came to the parking lot and they were standing right beside us discussing something and laughing and cracking jokes. Nihit and I continued to discuss possibilities about who the bike owner might be and I sat on the bike to rest my butt. All this continued for a while. Then a burly woman from the group came right up to us and pointed towards the bike. I thought she was looking for some other bike but then she pointed to the Fiero again as if saying "haan na re bhau...yahi hai...ab uthega ki dun ek ulte haath ka". And going by her looks, I knew she meant exactly that. She was almost as tall as me, weighed at least 25-30 kgs more and looked like a biker gang stud minus the leather jacket and sunglasses.

As Nihit and I stood there in stunned silence (the K*PD moment !!!), the stud rode away on the bike with 2 more studs riding pillion. And boy it was laugh riot after that...we didn't know what to say after that. Just a few co-incidences to fuel our imaginations maybe. But it was good fun in the end...nice food...remembering old times...a few nice chics around...and the grand finale...the K*PD !!!

(We even thought of putting our visting cards in the bike's visor so that whenever the bike owner came back, he could contact us. But we didn't have our cards with us at that time. So i had another idea. Why not put one of our passport size pics, that would be even better. But sanity prevailed and restrained us from doing anything silly like that or we would have had a lot of explaining to do to the STUDDD !!!)

The list I've been waiting for so long to compile....

  People compile lists of all time best movies, songs, guitar solos, music videos, cricket innings etc etc. I decided to compile a list of my own as well. Its about something I've been almost obsessed with since we first got a proper internet connection on our own computers (around BE 3rd yr). Its about CHICS !!! Yes, about movie stars, models, sportspersons, musicians who happen to be female, and of course, dazzlingly beautiful...so here goes...not in any particular order...

1. Jennifer Hawkins - Donald Trump once famously termed this "thunder from down under" as "the most beautiful Miss Universe I have seen in many, many years". I conform.
2. Kate Beckinsale - One lucky doode that Len Wiseman is. Being paid millions to direct Bruce Willis in Live Free or Die hard and also getting to go back home to one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood is no mean achievement. I'm jealous !! 
3. Kelly Hu - She happens to be my first real Hollywood crush. The first and only film I liked her in was The Scorpion King, where in she decided to appear all wet and topless with just her beautiful long hair covering her assets. Damn that was hottt...and my love for her has remained undiminished ever since.                                                                                       
4. Elena Dementieva - People like Maria Sharapova or Anna Kournikova for how sexy they look on and off the tennis court. My choice happens to be another Russian tennis babe who might not be all sexy and hot like other two. Instead she really is a demure classical beauty, which is more of my type !!                                                                  
5. Megan Fox - It would be false to claim that I watched Transformers for the Autobot's. The truth is I watched it just for that scene where Miss Fox leans over on the hood of Shia LeBouf's car after it stalls in the middle of nowhere. Man that was absolutely irresistible. And I seriously cant wait to watch How to Lose Friends & Alienate People and exclusively that scene where she comes out of the swimming pool. This chic sure knows how catch a guy's attention.
6. Adriana Lima - Absolutely Bewitching Eyes. She's another Victoria's Secret model. She's one of the top earning models in the world and indeed deserves to be so.Do I need to say more?
7. Abigail Clancy - She certainly tops my list of most beautiful EPL WAG's. Lucky doode, that Peter Crouch !!! And like many other ladies on the list, she possesses the killer eyes that can haunt your dreams forever.                                                      
8. Eva Green - Psycho must be quite ecstatic to see her on my list !!! And there's obviously no denying that her eyes are as enchanting as it could get. Wish we could have seen more of her as Bond girl. Imagine her coming out of the blue ocean in a red bikini...ahhhhhh......
9. Amber Heard - All The Boys Love Mandy Lane. And why wouldn't they? Ok Ok...I know she can't act any better than Katrina Kaif, but boy she looks a million bucks for sure. Truly one of THE sexiest chics on the list. I confess to having watched a couple of really crappy movies just because she was in them, namely Never Back Down and of course, Mandy Lane.
10. Ashley Judd - One of my all time favorites again. She has that kind of a warm and nice feeling where you want her to sit in front of you and you just keep looking at her all day long. Haven't seen her in a lot many movies and yet she still holds her own in my list.
11. Bar Rafaeli - All beautiful women in Hollywood seem to be dating or married already. Another lucky doode, that Leo DiCaprio. This Israeli supermodel seems to have it all - a beautiful face, a perfect body, bewitching eyes and a millionaire boyfriend who showers her with the goodies and doesn't believe in marriage.                                                
12. Elizabeth Banks - Another Hollywood beauty, who seems to have descended straight from the heavens. I first saw her in The 40 Year Old Virgin and had I been in Steve Carell's place, trust me I wouldn't have thought twice before jumping on her in that bathroom scene. And again, Ryan Reynolds made the same mistake by choosing Isla Fisher over her in Definitely, Maybe. Phew, what's wrong with these men??? I'm really looking forward to watching Zack and Miri.
13. Paz Vega - This Spanish hottie caught my attention in Spanglish. Although I hated the movie like all other annoying Adam Sandler movies, she cemented her place in my hall of fame with her delicious, warm looks, long dark hair, and that cute Spanish accent. Really loved her in 10 Items or Less.                                                                          
14. Heidi Klum - One of my all time favorites. She joins another Victoria's Secret hottie Adriana Lima on the list. Man, this Victoria, whoever she is, seems to have a real good eye just like me. Its a real pity that Heidi's married too, just like so many other hotties on the list. 
15. Diane Kruger - This German beauty with her goddess like looks has stayed on my mind ever since I watched her in Troy. That monotone pic of her remains one of my all time favorite wallies.                                                                            
16. Kristanna Loken - A hot chic like her can indeed "terminate" the rising machines with her killer looks. Do I need to say more??                                      
17. Liv Tyler - Ah...another one of my old flames. One of those girls who're not really "hot", yet as beautiful as you can possibly imagine. I confess to not having seen her in many movies - haven't even watched Armageddon to say the truth - but she manages to stay on my mind nevertheless. Really love that little girl like twinkle in her eyes.
18. Maggie Quigley - Being complimented by none other than Bruce Willis as being one of the most beautiful women around is no mean feat. And all that after beating the shit out of him in a movie. Plus, she happens to be the only Asian lady on the list. I'd rather Die Hard for this girl than Live Free.                                                                
19. Mila Kunis - She as close to perfection as I can imagine !!! Brown eyes, dark hair, perfect skin - seriously, who would really give a shit about Sarah Marshall if a girl as great as Mila is available.                                                                                  
20. Camilla Belle - Haven't seen her much of her really. When a Stranger Calls was real crap, but who cares, Camilla Belle was in it. She looks so innocent and vulnerable you want to rescue her and play cuddly-wuddly with her. I'm not sure if many of you would agree with me on this but that Vertical Horizon song "Everything You Want" from the Final Fantasy video has this girl character who looked a lot like Camilla. When I first watched this video, I thought there has to be a girl on whom the looks of this character are based. And for me, Camilla is the girl.
21. The Cruz Siblings - Monica & Penelope - This might come as a surprise to a lot of you, finding Penelope Cruz on my list. Trust me, I wasn't a fan of her either. Until of course she broke up with Tom Cruise. And ever since then, she has blossomed into this charming lady who seems to be getting even more beautiful with age. And that sister Monica of hers is no less a looker, trust me. Not many of you might be acquainted with her I guess. Try running a Google image search for her and you'll realize why she made it to this list.  
22. Sophie Marceau - Another Bond girl on the list. And a French one too. She is like this haunting beauty to me who seems so near yet so far. She has a mystifying effect, her eyes say more than words could ever say. Am I getting a bit too dramatic here? Maybe. But that's the effect she has on me.                                                                  
23. Zoey Deschanel - I know many of you would say Zoey who? And again I would recommend a Google image search. I watched some movie of her's on TV a long time back. Frankly I don't even remember the name of the movie, or who else was in it. But I couldn't get Zoey off my mind then. I don't even know what I really like about her. Maybe its those big round eyes that kept coming back to my mind even after I turned off the TV.

In conclusion, I'd like to dedicate the Franki Valli song "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" to all these pretty ladies who have managed to stay on my mind long enough to inspire me to do this post. And sorry if I missed some. I welcome all suggestions with an open heart !!! Plus soon enough I'll be doing a similar post on on Hindustani Ladies as well...so watch out...

Can't Take My Eyes Off You